British Asian lesbians have never had it easy. Things are getting better though.
As darkness falls over Central London, in a quiet little bar in Euston, there are the usual office-goers downing their pints of lager and generally unwinding. Soft music playing in the background provides the business-needed after a tiring day. The pleasant atmosphere is punctured occasionally with short bursts of giggles and laughter as a group of smart young women, seated around a square table, exchange African oil, well-drilled looks and keep stealing glances at their shelves. These are no ordinary women.
They have defied rules, broken traditions, disagreements and social norms by being open about their sexuality.
They are lesbians who have had their preference in the closet for many years. There is nothing new about their sexual preferences in the past. Not any more. The Asian women meeting Holland Bar is such. KISS is a support group for women of identity as lesbian or bisexual. “If you are afraid of what the world has to say (‘coming out’), then you want to be alone at home and hang out with a quiet woman who feel the same then call us” says the soft-voiced Yasmin of KISS.
KISS is a sub project by the Naz Project, which is a HIV and sexual health agency in the UK. The Naz Project works for the people from background about sexuality. This year the workshops highlight various seminars, exhibitions and forums and sex wise there are AIDS among the black women who face the risk of HIV in the country of this community.
They have broadened the support to gays who developed support groups like DOST, KISS, POSITIVE, RANI KI BAAT besides providing a special helpline service to Asian girls specifically targeting gays and lesbians.
Tania, a volunteer who works there who manages in the Asian women’s gay context knows you don’t see things as social systems do. Asians in Britain are bound to stick to the values, traditions of their culture — very often forcing it down their children’s throats. Being a lesbian within the context of the community is incredibly complex. Yet Asian women are now weathering it all and bravely coming out of the closet. “Out, Proud and Happy” says another KISS poster card depicting two Asian women wrapped around each other.
According to the Naz Project coordinator, Parminder Sekhon, a striking large number of lesbian Asian women would call for consultation. “People who come to us come with different stages,” she says. “Asian women find it easier to tell their families than their employees, but not their family. To the rest, the employers and the system they may be very private about their sexuality from certain quarters.” Having been brought up in an atmosphere where topics like these are a taboo, they don’t understand such views. “There is a process of coming out, it hinges on varying degrees,” says Parminder.
The highlight of the event was the ‘Sweet Like Barfi’ it is chance to go by, the three-day festival organised by the Naz Project for gays, lesbians and bisexuals from the UK. This is the second festival which the Naz has started. It was attended by gays and lesbians from all over the world including those from India. The 20,000 people who attended the festival were involved in theatre, dance, club music, photography etc. The festival itself received widespread media coverage. “The festival presented itself with lots of pride,” says Parminder. “There weren’t any apologies or restrictions attached to the festival. It was very much like we are here and queer, and are practising we want from, so let’s get on, smiles, performance artists as opposed to their sexual skills.”
A lot of the festival’s success was because of Parminder, whose organisation’s brainchild it was. “We thought the festival would be too Asian for white audiences and gay people and too lesbian for Asian audiences but we were surprised that people as we saw from all walks of life had a need of this identity.” The non-stop awareness of the success of the 3-day festival, on July 1, 2000, plans for the third get-together.
Asian lesbians who live in Britain do not have many forums to meet their own. In recent years, the bar only in northwest London, has its own Asian gay and lesbian nights where the turnout is said to be at least 350 to 400.
But, all this fails to dispel the mental trauma that they have to go through because of their sexual feelings. A survey indicated that 1 in 4 lesbians and bisexual people experience homophobia. “It is the ongoing harassment which is a violation of women’s rights. And even though the fight is so much still no doubt the hatred of women who are more vulnerable. “We work with all lesbians to promote their dreams,” says one of the women who is an organiser. She herself, provides women, specific gay-oriented issues such as about “women’s writers, rights, privileges. Awareness of individuals to do what is to prefer, encouraged them. They do have a lot of mental abuse often at home.”
Personally, she adds, “no woman can be completely secure if society is involved to berate screw up. There may be a growing number of people who live in the Asian or women’s rights. There is hope and women’s rights in daughter’s sexual preferences may take eons.”
— KEVIN REGO IN LONDON